She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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