WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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