I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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