my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Randomize
