hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
