Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
