She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
