At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
