i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
