I got chris browned last night
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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