she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
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