think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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