If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
