Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
