I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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