Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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