Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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