So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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