dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
