I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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