im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
