I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
