WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
