I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
