I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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