There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Randomize
