Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize