My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
