While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
