it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize