bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
