last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
is wine microwaveable?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
