Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
