the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
