ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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