This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
