my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
