Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
