Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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