im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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