AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
