This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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