We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
