Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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