i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
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