i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
