i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
