my soul wont recognize me after tonight
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
