i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
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