i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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