I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
