I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
farters have to be the big spoon...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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