Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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