I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
