...so i touched it.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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