i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
