you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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