Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
