We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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