Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize