I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
