is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
