i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
