Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
