She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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