can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize
