Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
