oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
