Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
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