Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize