He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
