literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Randomize
